Wednesday, August 19, 2009

When Is Zero Percent Zero Percent?

This got me thinking. Could the invention of batteries actually be a scam? Like things didn't actually need electricity to work. But if you tell ppl who bought them that, they would take the product for granted and use it like a pencil (you get the idea). But you put in elements of care and nurture, that product might not be just a product. It becomes a pet, it becomes a family member, it becomes part of your life.

The battery. The supposed lifesource of all electronic gadgets. You're supposed to feed it electricity whenever it says it needs to be fed. Underfeed it and you'll have to feed it very frequently. Overfeed it and you'll decrease the longevity of the lifesource.

The manufacturers actually went so far as to totally disable the device when the battery is removed, making people believe that the battery is an essential part of the device. But wut I've shown here, ladies and gents, is that when the battery's showing 0%, it doesn't die. This only means one thing: it's a scam. You don't have to recharge the batteries. Leave it there and it'll survive by it's own. No recharging needed.

You say that your phone dies after the indicator shows no more charge? That's the scam at work. You need to care for the device, therefore you need to feed it. The frequency of this depends on how the manufacturer programs the feeding mechanism. Some want you to show more love and nurture, therefore batteries 'dying' faster. Some want you to nurture it for as much as you've used it, therefore batteries dying depending on usage. Some juz dun care about it, and thus you have the 0% battery.

The battery works this way: after a certain period of time predetermined by the programming of the manufacturer, it automatically disables the phone by showing an unpowered screen and unresponsive keypads (that's why you cannot turn it on when the battery's dead, see?). After a certain period of time predetermined by the programming of the manufacturer, the battery 'recovers' to 100% and the user is granted partial access to the device. Why partial? Because you are not allowed to reprogram the feeding mechanism.

Isn't this like nurturing for a pet? You feed it, you play wit it. You dun feed it, it dies. Life's a cycle pretty much like the wheel of a bus. It goes round and round and round like a flywheel.

So the next time your battery 'dies', you know that it's not actually out of electricity, but lack of attention. Give it some attention by allowing it to have sex with the pointy device included in your purchase package when you purchase your electronic gadget. No repeated thrusting motion is needed as electronics do not have sex the same way as us multicellular complex organisms. They are made out of transistors and integrated circuits, wut do you expect?

When was the last time you nurtured your electronic devices?

P/S: Hey in case yer wondering, this is a pile of BS I thought up when I was just gonna talk about the incidence of battery indicator showing zero percent and still running. Anyway, it's poking fun at conspiracy theories and unproven pseudo-scientific articles. You should read about magnetic assistance for bloodflow using magnetised ring/bangle.

1 comment:

Eugene Ho said...