Sunday, October 28, 2007

I'm feeling so weird right now...

I noe this sounds weird and crazy, but I've juz gotta say this. I feel weird. Aiks.
Kay see. I used to be wit this girl. (who here doesn't matter). Den as time leaks from the sand-clock (dunno wut's it called la ok? Juz tryin to be symbolic) I started to realise that the relationship would harm both of us. She being the naive one, I have to take matters to my own hand. I noe that I won't be coming back coz I noe myself. I also noe that she won't be that patient to wait for someone who's already said to himself that he's not coming back to the skool. And lots of other factors that involve both parties la...

So, a series of planned potential break up strategies have been worked out. Well as it turns out that my feelings fluctuate from 'i wanna leave this thing right now' to 'yes we gon work this out together, even if it means *insert promise here*' very frequent. Yes, I'm that 'lalang'. Maybe I'm juz that soft inside that I do not want to hurt her feelings. Well well well... Look who's talking here...

As it happens that a catalyst appeared to help the whole process to the right track. She wanted to look cute, so she said that she wanted to break up (in a somehow stable and undisturbed way). I was delighted la. It was my plan and it worked like a snap! So I said ok and wished her luck. And she walked off. Well me and me dudes were at the canteen ma that time. So I punched the sky and obviously, happy (weird eh? Where got ppl break up so happy one?). 2 days later, she came and asked wut happened. I was like WTF la. Damn it we broke up liao right? Whoa apparently she was joking about it but she wanted to sound like she wanted me to believe it. Well it worked, or not I won't be feeling like I'm flying without wings. Den i said that I've put down that burden already and dun wish to get back together. Den it all went bad and stuff la...

So the final showdown was one day when i said I wanted to break up (coz after that day she asked me to think about it again). It was very very awkward as it happened online, through WLM (windows live messenger if ya wondering. Move on ppl!). So yea I sounded mean and it kinda did the job. Then the next day I dunno wut the phuck was wrong, I thought about all the stuff that happened. Den that evening I called, to patch things up. It so happened that some stuff happened on the other side that kinda seals the deal (here being officially broken up).

So I thought to myself: 'ok, now wut you've wanted was being done. You should be happy! Move on lil kid. You still have a battle to fight!'. So I moved on and never looked back. It all went well as I was doin quite smooth for the trials.

So around that period of time, rumours spreaded that she found another one. Well I was glad la. Seriously glad for her. But then it all happened that it was false alarm and it never happened.

Then recently, it was official that she found a new 'home'. Well of coz I'm glad for her. But deep inside I dunno why but I feel so damn weird. I feel strange. Damn it, I told myself that I was to give up on this girl and it happened. Why am I feeling this way? I dunno wut this feeling's called. Jealous? Envious? The feeling of losing wut-you-used-to-have? The feeling of wanting someone back? I really dunno. Do i want her back? No. But deep down there's this little tingling feeling in my heart that really started after she found a new guy.

Wut made it worse was the picture of her on my friendster. You noe the featured friends part? Well she used to ask me put her as my featured friends. So i thought nothing one la. So i put la. And it stuck there even after we broke up. At first it was ok, coz the disp pic was normal only. Den when she started to actively update it, it changed. Nicer looking pictures started to pop out. Well I must admit that I'm a guy that's easily captured by pictures. So then the strange feeling started to churn in my stomach. Damn!

I'm gonna emphasis that I have no intentions to get her back. Well, I'm sure there are much better ones out there, juz that they've not appeared yet.

To think of it, well it wasn't really worth my time to think about it, right? Afterall, we weren't really considered being together. We didn't do much wut couples do. The feeling's not strong. Maybe it's juz the feeling of possession la... The feeling of having someone is stronger than actually being wit someone in this relationship. Maybe this should'nt be even considered one. Afterall, 3 weeks is only an acquaintance, right? 3 weeks to noe that she's not the right one... Not bad for a first timer... Hrmm... Does that mean I still retain my 'first time'? I guess so... Yea I'm pretty sure that's the case... Woohoo!!!

To rap up the update, here's more macro shots from my collection.

The front view. Click to see the details captured.

Got look like the Ferarri ads in the newspaper? Reflections one... Hahaha syok sendiri...

Another one... Nice huh? Hahaha...

OK. So it'll be another week till I update, I guess... Enjoy the weekdays! Bye!

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AbouT miiEE =D said...

en~~ yeap~ i had that feelings before~ hmmm~~ i actually dont feel good even for now~ manythings pop-ed out recently~ sighh~~ i dont really know how to make up my mind~ i dont know what should i do... Sigh~ sometimes i need some one to talk to ~ but i dont wanna disturb ppl~~ siao man~ i also dun know what am i suppose to doO~~ im soo confuse~!!er.. anything reply me in the chat box okie?

Anonymous said...

Just loitering around, u do not know me.

Well, I know how this feeling works.
When u saw them together, you will felt like... hurt...

How to say ler... kinda sour... then... like... very pain... felt like killing somebody... =)

Haha~ Well anyway, just learn to put down.

Just a pass by~